Talking Trash: 7 Epic Presidential Insults

Talking Trash: 7 Epic Presidential Insults


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Trash-talking your political opponent is an American tradition that began long before the age of Twitter. So is talking trash about your vice president, the president who appointed you, or the president you pardoned.

With that in mind, here’s a look at some of the most memorable disses in presidential history.

1. Jackson reminds everyone that he’s killed before and he’ll do it again.

Andrew Jackson’s only two regrets:“that I have not shot Henry Clay or hanged John C. Calhoun.”

Well thanks for letting us know!

There’s a reason the Broadway musical about our seventh president is called Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. Before becoming president, he fought in three wars and participated in anywhere from five to 100 duels (estimates vary), including one in which he killed a man. Once president, his Indian Removal Act was responsible for 4,000 Cherokee deaths on the Trail of Tears.

Unsurprisingly, the easily-riled Jackson didn’t get along with everyone during his presidency. Jackson clashed with Senator Henry Clay over the Bank War and had disliked his first vice president John C. Calhoun, who resigned halfway through Jackson’s time in office.

When Jackson left office in 1837, he didn’t sugarcoat his feelings for these men.

2. Someone should’ve told Abe to go easy on the metaphors.

Abraham Lincoln on Stephen Douglas’ policy on slavery: It“is as thin as the homeopathic soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had been starved to death.”

Lincoln, who used that tortured metaphor during his famous 1858 debates against Stephen A. Douglas for Senate, is known for his eloquence, less so for his ability to craft brutal one-liners.

Lincoln didn’t win that race, but the publicity he gained during the campaign helped him secure the presidency just a couple years later.

3. Teddy trashes his coworkers.

Theodore Roosevelt on William McKinley :“McKinley had no more backbone than a chocolate eclair.”

If it wasn’t obvious, Roosevelt perceived McKinley as a flip-flopper. Awkwardly, Roosevelt became that McKinley’s vice president two years later. And just a few months later, Roosevelt succeeded to the presidency after the man he’d once compared to a French dessert was assassinated.

Teddy’s experience as president didn’t stop him from trashing other ones, either. Using terms that are essentially meaningless today, he called President Woodrow Wilson “a Byzantine logothete backed by flubdubs and mollycoddles.”

4. Truman doesn’t give a damn.

President Harry S. Truman on General Dwight D. Eisenhower: “The General doesn’t know any more about politics than a pig knows about Sunday,”

Truman had those choice words for Eisenhower as the general ran for the Republican presidential ticket in 1952. Eight years later, when Eisenhower’s vice president Richard Nixon decided to run for president, Truman denounced Nixon as “a no-good lying bastard,” and told a crowd that anyone who votes for him “ought to go to hell.”

Years later, Nixon’s vice president Gerald Ford would offer his own quip about Nixon and hell (read on).

5. Dwight disses VP Nixon during a press conference.

Dwight D. Eisenhower on Richard Nixon contributions as his vice president:“If you give me a week, I might think of one. I don’t remember.”

Before Richard Nixon was our infamous 37th president, he was Dwight D. Eisenhower’s veep. Judging by the remark Eisenhower made at a 1960 presidential news conference, they didn’t get along so well.

Time correspondent Charles H. Mohr was asking Dwight about what Nixon actually did in his administration, and was getting some pushback. Dwight said Nixon “was not a part of decision-making,” and Mohr countered that he must be doing something.

“We understand that the power of decision is entirely yours, Mr. President,” he said. “I just wondered if you could give us an example of a major idea of his that you had adopted in that role, as the decider and final—”

That was when Dwight cut him off, saying he’d need those seven days to think of one.

6. LBJ wants you to know he’s had more sex than Kennedy.

Lyndon B. Johnson on Gerald Ford: “Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can’t fart and chew gum at the same time.”

LBJ was one of the crudest presidents in U.S. history. In one instance, when reporters asked him why the United States was still in Vietnam, he pulled out his penis and answered, “This is why!” Another time, he let a reporter know he didn’t like his recent article by, as the New York Times puts it, “defecating on the ground in front of him.”

Given this, it’s not terribly surprising that his burns were often scatalogical.

He was also preoccupied with people knowing in what department he was superior to John F. Kennedy, the president he’d served under and succeeded. “When people mentioned Kennedy’s many affairs, Johnson would bang the table and declare that he had more women by accident than Kennedy ever had on purpose,” writes presidential historian Robert Dallek in The Atlantic.

7. Ford perfects the presidential self-own.

Gerald Ford on his own, unpopular pardon: “I know I will go to hell, because I pardoned Richard Nixon.”

Like Johnson, Gerald Ford was a vice president who succeeded to commander-in-chief. But unlike Johnson, he didn’t fill the role because the president was dead—he did it because the president had resigned.

Richard Nixon’s resignation over the Watergate scandal was already shocking enough. But then Ford went and pardoned Nixon, preventing him from facing any legal consequences for his actions.

It was an extremely unpopular move, and Ford knew it. In private, he reportedlyconfessed his regret to confidants.


The 5 Wittiest Comebacks in the History of Trash Talk

You ever think of the perfect response to a put-down after the moment has already passed? It's the worst. Especially because you spend the next few days rolling around the kitchen floor, your body fully slathered in the peanut butter of shame, denigrating yourself over and over while loudly proclaiming, "That's what I should have said!" Actually, that's never happened to me. Well, not the part with the peanut butter at least, but I imagine it's quite common.

Throughout history, however, there have been the quick-thinking great ones who were presented with the perfect setup and, rather than botching it, proved their point or defended themselves with a punchline of just a few hilariously well-chosen words. It's the kind of quick-thinking wit you just don't see with today's celebrities.


Political Insults In American Politics Are As Old As the Republic

Donald Trump called his former Presidential opponent Hillary Clinton “Crooked.” He labeled U.S. Representative Adam Schiff (D-CA) “sleazy,” and U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) “goofy.” Contrariwise, former Democratic Presidential Candidate Bernie Sanders brands Trump a “pathological liar.” U.S. Representative Ruben Gallego (R-AZ) tattoos Trump as “an abject Liar,” and U.S. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) says Trump is “a 98 pound weakling.”

It may seem that name-calling has reached its high water mark in American Politics. However, in actuality political insults in the U.S. are as old as the Republic.

Thomas Paine, who wrote the 1776 pamphlet Common Sense, was a vociferous critic of President John Adams. He enjoyed belittling the President. He once deadpanned: “Some people talk of impeaching John Adams, but I am for softer measures. I would keep him to make fun of him.”

In 1800, while seeking re-election, Adams was involved in arguably the dirtiest Presidential campaign in American history against his arch-nemesis Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson hired political pamphleteer James Callender to attack Adams’ reputation. Callender successfully spread a mendacious rumor that Adams’ ambition was to order an invasion of France. Adams coefficients labeled Jefferson: “a mean-spirited, low-lived fellow, the son of a half-breed Indian squaw, sired by a Virginia mullatto father.”

Adams son, John Quincy Adams, had a similar rivalry with his Presidential successor Andrew Jackson. Adams’ supporters referred to Jackson’s wife Rachel as an “adulteress” because she had not completed her divorce from her first husband. Mrs. Jackson died days before the election. An inflamed Jackson put the blame on Adams for his wife’s death, averring: “May God Almighty forgive her murderers as I know she forgave them. I never can.”

In 1833, Harvard University awarded an honorary degree to President Andrew Jackson. John Quincy Adams, a Harvard University alumnus, boycotted the ceremony. Adams had lost his re-election bid to Jackson in 1832. In his diary, Adams called Jackson, who had no college education: “A barbarian who could not write a sentence of grammar and hardly could spell his own name.”

U.S. Representative John Sherman, an Ohio Republican, was a caustic critic of Democratic President James Buchanan. Sherman quipped: “The Constitution provides for every contingency in the Executive, except a vacancy in the mind of the President.”

Attacking an opponent’s intellect is a recurring motif in American political history. Ulysses S. Grant, and Donald Trump, both Republicans, had not come from the political world. Grant had risen to the Presidency through his military exploits in the Civil War. Trump through the business world. Like Trump, some politicians questioned Grant’s intellectually heft. Former Georgia Governor Joseph Brown belittled President Ulysses S. Grant, stating: “The people are tired of a man who has not an idea above a horse or a cigar.”

The aforementioned quote might be expected since Brown was a Democrat, but William Claflin, the Chairman of Grant’s own party, also excoriated Grant. Claflin averred after Grant assumed the Presidency: “The cry was for no politicians, but the country did not mean no brains.”

More recently, in 1933 it was U.S. Interior Secretary Harold Ickies who assailed the intellect of U.S. Senator Huey Long (D-LA), known as a populist bomb thrower, as “suffering from halitosis of the intellect that’s presuming he has an intellect.”

While President Franklin D. Roosevelt was revered by many in the Labor Movement, the labor movement castigated his Vice President John Nance Garner for his more business-friendly ideology. John L. Lewis, the President of the United Mine workers of America, branded Garner: “a labor-baiting, poker-playing, whiskey-drinking evil old man.”

In 1972, another AFL-CIO President George Meany, a traditional Democratic ally, took a hard swipe at the Democratic party’s Presidential nominee, George McGovern. His organization endorsed Republican Richard M. Nixon instead. Meany styled McGovern as: “An apologist for the Communist world.”

Some politicians have a certain knack for heaping insults on their political opponents. Lyndon B. Johnson had two creative ways of explaining his political foe U.S. House Minority Leader Gerald R. Ford (R-MI). Ford was a constant partisan critic of Johnson, and delivered the Republican response to Johnson’s State of the Union Address in 1967. Johnson often mocked Ford in private, telling his associates that Ford had been the Center on the University of Michigan Football team, and jokingly said of Ford: “He’s a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off.”

For his part, Johnson did not think much of Ford’s intellectual dexterity. After hearing Ford excoriate Johnson’s “Model Cities” program, the President said to an aide: “You’ve got a little baby boy. Well, you take his little building blocks and go up and explain to Jerry Ford what we’re trying to do.”

In 2005, President George W. Bush suggested that “intelligent design” should be taught in public schools alongside creationism. This precipitated U.S. Representative Barney Frank (D-MA) to quip: “People might cite George Bush as proof that you can be totally impervious to the effects of Harvard and Yale education.”

In 1988, Democratic Presidential candidate Michael Dukakis dexterously capitalized on a spat between two leading candidates for the Republican Presidential nomination. Dukakis told a Democratic crowd in Cedar Rapids, Iowa: “Vice President (George H.W.) Bush and Senator (Robert) Dole have been saying some rather nasty things about each other. Senator Dole says the Vice President is not much of a leader and the Vice President says Senator Dole is not much of a leader. I don’t ordinarily agree with those guys but in this case I agree with both of them. Neither of them is much of a leader.”

On rare occasions, a politician will actually insult his/her own constituents. U.S. Senator Stephen M. Young (D-OH 1959-1971) was known for his blunt and sometimes sarcastic responses to constituents who challenged his views. One letter-writer ended his correspondence by writing: “I would welcome the opportunity to have intercourse with you.” Senator Young responded: “You sir, can have intercourse with yourself.”

Similarly, U.S. Representative John Steven McGroarty (D-CA 1935-1939) once wrote back to a constituent who sent him a critical letter saying he had not kept a campaign promise. McGroarty wrote: “One of the countless drawbacks of being in Congress is that I am compelled to receive impertinent letters from a jackass like you in which you say I promised to have the Sierra Madre mountains reforested and I have been in Congress two months and haven’t done it. Will you please take two running jumps and go to Hell.”

Contemporaneous political insults are no more outrageous than political insults from years past. Of course, most politicians are equipped with thick skin, and most politicians realize that politics is a dirty playground, not for the faint of heart. In 1936, Republican Vice Presidential nominee Frank Knox ridiculed President Franklin D. Roosevelt calling him “a blundering visionary and fanatic,” and said that the New Deal contained “something of Karl Marx equally as much as Groucho Marx.” (Karl Marx was the author of The Communist Manifesto. Groucho Marx was a famous comedian). Knox later became U.S. Secretary of the Navy under Roosevelt.

Upon listening to the insults by, and about, Donald Trump, one might think the coarsening of American political discourse has reached epic proportions. In truth, American politicians have been exacting discourteous barbs at political opponents since the nation was founded, and the Trump political era is no aberration.


These Are the Greatest Insults in History

Is there anything better in this world than a truly inspired insult? A good put-down is a thing of rare beauty, something to be relished like a fine wine. You can't even pretend to be offended when somebody insults you with the right combination of artistry and wit. Don't take it personally, bro. Just say "sick burn" and let it go.

History has been filled with crushing zingers and comebacks that've made us go "Whoa!" Here are 28 of our favorites. And when you're done here, check out these 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Funny.

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Author Dorothy Parker on Katharine Hepburn's acting. And for more legendary Hollywood quips, check out The 30 Funniest Movie One-Liners of All Time.

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Author J.D. Salinger, from his novel Catcher in the Rye.

Alamy

British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, to Lady Astor, the first female Member of Parliament, when she called him "disgustingly drunk." And for more great zingers from the halls of power, here are The 25 All-Time Greatest One-Liners by Politicians.

Author Tom Clancy on the 42nd President of the United States.

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President Barack Obama, on our current president. And for more on President Trump, here are the 5 Handshake Rules He Breaks All the Time.

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Composer Ludwig van Beethoven, slapping another composer to the curb.

Dorothy Parker, on the death of President Calvin Coolidge.

Comedian Jon Stewart on the tools of his trade. And for more amazing quips from comics, don't miss these 50 Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends.

Adam Sandler getting reprimanded by the school principal in Billy Madison.

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Author Kurt Vonnegut Jr., from his novel Timequake.

Sir John Gielgud on Casablanca star Ingrid Bergman.

Author Mark Twain, in one of his most famous mass burns.

Tennis star John McEnroe, to a Wimbledon spectator.

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Said by the Mad Hatter to the March Hare in Lewis Carroll's novel Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

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Actress Mae West on a man she didn't like in Belle of the Nineties (1934).

President Lyndon B. Johnson on President Gerald Ford.

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Actress Elizabeth Taylor on her storied acting career.

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Comedian Groucho Marx in Duck Soup (1933).

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Author George Orwell, in his novel The Lion and the Unicorn.

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President Abraham Lincoln, on one of his political opponents.

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Comedienne and television producer Roseanne Barr, on her ex-husband Tom Arnold.

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Writer and filmmaker Billy Wilder, while listening to an actor sing in the movie Kiss Me, Stupid.

Boxer Willie Pep, greeting a former opponent.

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Dolly Parton, referring to herself.

Actress and singer Britt Ekland on former partner Rod Stewart.

Actress and comedian Natasha Leggero on The Disaster Artist star.

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Winston Churchill, after being informed by Lady Astor that if she was married to him, she would have poisoned his coffee.

Mark Twain on the members of Capitol Hill. And for more great zingers from one of history's greatest authors, don't miss these 30 Mark Twain One-Liners That Are Still Relevant Today.

To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram!


The Worst Of Barack Obama In Quotes (87 Quotes)

“The private sector is doing fine.” — Barack Obama

“I mean, if you think about — if you think about it, UPS and FedEx are doing just fine, right? No, they are. It’s the Post Office that’s always having problems.” — Barack Obama makes the case for socialized medicine in a rather odd fashion

“You got into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton Administration, and the Bush Administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.” — Barack Obama

“I am not in favor of concealed weapons. I think that creates a potential atmosphere where more innocent people could (get shot during) altercations.” — Barack Obama

“I believe in keeping guns out of our inner cities, and that our leaders must say so in the face of the gun manfuacturer’s lobby.” — Barack Obama

“…I’ve got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby.” — Barack Obama

Rick Warren: “…Now, let’s deal with abortion 40 million abortions since Roe v. Wade. As a pastor, I have to deal with this all of the time, all of the pain and all of the conflicts. I know this is a very complex issue. Forty million abortions, at what point does a baby get human rights, in your view?”

Barack Obama: “Well, you know, I think that whether you’re looking at it from a theological perspective or a scientific perspective, answering that question with specificity, you know, is above my pay grade.”

“…I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on earth. This was the moment — this was the time — when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves and our highest ideals.” — Barack Obama

“But I don’t want the folks who created the mess to do a lot of talking. I want them to get out of the way so we can clean up the mess. I don’t mind cleaning up after them, but don’t do a lot of talking.” — Barack Obama

“We can’t drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times … and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK. That’s not leadership. That’s not going to happen.” — Barack Obama

“It’s very rare that I come to an event where I’m like the fifth- or sixth-most interesting person.” — Barack Obama

“The issue here is not gonna be a list of accomplishments. As you said yourself, Steve, you know, I would put our legislative and foreign policy accomplishments in our first two years against any president – with the possible exceptions of Johnson, F.D.R., and Lincoln.” — Barack Obama

“I have become a symbol of the possibility of America returning to our best traditions.” — Barack Obama

“No, no. I have been practicing…I bowled a 129. It’s like — it was like Special Olympics, or something.” — Barack Obama

“I won.” — Barack Obama to Republicans in Congress who were trying to discuss the stimulus plan with him

“And if that child should ever get the chance to travel the world and someone should ask her where is she from, we believe that she should always be able to hold her head high with pride in her voice when she answers, ‘I am an American.’ That is the course we seek. That is the change we are calling for.” — Barack Obama

“You know, the truth is that right after 9/11, I had a (flag) pin. Shortly after 9/11, particularly because as we’re talking about the Iraq war, that became a substitute for, I think, true patriotism, which is speaking out on issues that are of importance to our national security, I decided I won’t wear that pin on my chest…” — Barack Obama

“I had learned not to care. I blew a few smoke rings, remembering those years. Pot had helped, and booze maybe a little blow when you could afford it. Not smack, though. …” — Barack Obama

“Junkie. Pothead. That’s where I’d been headed: the final, fatal role of the young would-be black man. Except the highs hadn’t been about that, me trying to prove what a down brother I was. Not by then, anyway. I got high for just the opposite effect, something that could push questions of who I was out of my mind, something that could flatten out the landscape of my heart, blur the edges of my memory. I had discovered that it didn’t make any difference whether you smoked reefer in the white classmate’s sparkling new van, or in the dorm room of some brother you’d met down at the gym, or on the beach with a couple of Hawaiian kids who had dropped out of school and now spent most of their time looking for an excuse to brawl. …You might just be bored, or alone. Everybody was welcome into the club of disaffection.” — Barack Obama

“On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes — and I see many of them in the audience here today — our sense of patriotism is particularly strong.” — Barack Obama

“Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go.” — Barack Obama

As Sen. Hillary Clinton was preparing to campaign here today, Sen. Barack Obama was meeting with voters at a diner and apparently pretty hungry.

“Why can’t I just eat my waffle?” he said, when asked a foreign policy question by a reporter at the Glider Diner. — Barack Obama

“When I meet with world leaders, what’s striking — whether it’s in Europe or here in Asia…” — Barack Obama, mistakenly referring to Hawaii as Asia while holding a press conference outside Honolulu, Nov. 16, 2011

“In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed.” — Barack Obama, on a Kansas tornado that killed 12 people

“Making products we sell around the world, stamped with three proud words, ‘Made in the USA!'” — Barack Obama

“I don’t believe it is possible to transcend race in this country. Race is a factor in this society. The legacy of Jim Crow and slavery has not gone away. It is not an accident that African-Americans experience high crime rates, are poor, and have less wealth. It is a direct result of our racial history.” — Barack Obama

“Let’s not play games. I was suggesting – you’re absolutely right that John McCain has not talked about my Muslim faith.” — Barack Obama

“To avoid being mistaken for a sellout, I chose my friends carefully. The more politically active black students. The foreign students. The Chicanos. The Marxist professors and structural feminists and punk-rock performance poets. We smoked cigarettes and wore leather jackets. At night, in the dorms, we discussed neocolonialism, Franz Fanon, Eurocentrism, and patriarchy. When we ground out our cigarettes in the hallway carpet or set our stereos so loud that the walls began to shake, we were resisting bourgeois society’s stifling conventions. We weren’t indifferent or careless or insecure. We were alienated.

But this strategy alone couldn’t provide the distance I wanted, from Joyce or my past. After all, there were thousands of so-called campus radicals, most of them white and tenured and happily tolerant. No, it remained necessary to prove which side you were on, to show your loyalty to the black masses, to strike out and name names.” — Barack Obama

“It was usually an effective tactic, another one of those tricks I had learned: (White) People were satisfied so long as you were courteous and smiled and made no sudden moves. They were more than satisfied, they were relieved — such a pleasant surprise to find a well-mannered young black man who didn’t seem angry all the time.” — Barack Obama

“That’s just how white folks will do you. It wasn’t merely the cruelty involved I was learning that black people could be mean and then some. It was a particular brand of arrogance, an obtuseness in otherwise sane people that brought forth our bitter laughter. It was as if whites didn’t know that they were being cruel in the first place. Or at least thought you deserving of their scorn.” — Barack Obama

“It is this world, a world where cruise ships throw away more food in a day than most residents of Port-au-Prince see in a year, where white folks’ greed runs a world in need, apartheid in one hemisphere, apathy in another hemisphere…That’s the world! On which hope sits!” — Barack Obama quotes Rev. Wright

“Nobody really thinks that Bush or McCain have a real answer for the challenges we face, so what they’re going to try to do is make you scared of me. You know, he’s not patriotic enough. He’s got a funny name. You know, he doesn’t look like all those other presidents on those dollar bills, you know. He’s risky.” — Barack Obama

“I can no more disown (Jeremiah Wright) than I can disown the black community. I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother – a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed by her on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.” — Barack Obama

“The point I was making was not that Grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn’t. But she is a typical white person…” — Barack Obama

“If Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, ‘We’re gonna punish our enemies and we’re gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us,’ if they don’t see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election, then I think it’s gonna be harder and that’s why I think it’s so important that people focus on voting on November 2.” — Barack Obama

“My main message is to the parents of Trayvon Martin. You know, if I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon.” — Barack Obama

“The Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home. . . . What I think we know – separate and apart from this incident – is that there is a long history in their country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately, and that’s just a fact.” – President Obama on Gates’ arrest.

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” — Joe Biden

“Now, people when I say that look at me and say, ‘What are you talking about, Joe? You’re telling me we have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt?’ The answer is yes, that’s what I’m telling you.” — Joe Biden

“The more people learn about them (Obama and Hillary) and how they handle the pressure, the more their support will evaporate.” — Joe Biden

“We can call it quits and withdraw from Iraq. I think that would be a gigantic mistake. Or we can set a deadline for pulling out, which I fear will only encourage our enemies to wait us out — equally a mistake.” — Joe Biden

ANNOUNCER: What does Barack Obama’s running mate say about Barack Obama?

ABC’S GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: You were asked, “Is he ready?” You said, “I think he can be ready but right now, I don’t believe he is. The presidency is not something that lends itself to on-the-job training.”

JOE BIDEN: I think that I stand by the statement.

ANNOUNCER: And what does he say about John McCain?

BIDEN: I would be honored to run with or against John McCain, because I think the country would be better off. — Biden Quoted In McCain Ad

“Chuck, Stand Up, Chuck. Let Them See You. Oh, God Love You, What Am I Talking About?” — Joe Biden to a man in a wheelchair

“As you probably know, some American politicians and American journalists refer to Washington, DC as the “capital of the free world. But it seems to me that this great city (Brussels), which boasts 1,000 years of history and which serves as the capital of Belgium, the home of the European Union, and the headquarters for NATO, this city has its own legitimate claim to that title.” — Joe Biden

“You cannot go to a 7-11 or Dunkin Donuts unless you have a slight Indian Accent.” — Joe Biden

“And don’t any of you, by the way, any of you guys vote Republican. I’m not supposed to say, this isn’t political. …don’t come to me if you do! You’re on your own, Jack!” — Joe Biden

Obama’s Administration

“When I became the NASA administrator – or before I became the NASA administrator – (Obama) charged me with three things. One was he wanted me to help re-inspire children to want to get into science and math, he wanted me to expand our international relationships, and third, and perhaps foremost, he wanted me to find a way to reach out to the Muslim world and engage much more with dominantly Muslim nations to help them feel good about their historic contribution to science … and math and engineering.” — Charles Bolden, NASA Administrator

“Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have always been and continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards.” — Attorney General Eric Holder

“The American public…just like your teenage kids, aren’t acting in a way that they should act. The American public has to really understand in their core how important this issue is.” — Energy Secretary Steven Chu on the public’s lack of concern over greenhouse gasses

“And one thing I’d like to point out is that the system worked.” — DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano comment about a terrorist attack stopped by passengers

“We are taking away a choice that continues to let people waste their own money.” — Energy Secretary Steven Chu on banning incandescent lightbulbs

“Somewhat more broadly, I will suggest that animals should be permitted to bring suit, with human beings as their representatives, to prevent violations of current law.” — Cass Sunstein

“There’s a different leader in Syria now. Many of the members of Congress of both parties who have gone to Syria in recent months have said they believe he’s a reformer.” — Hillary Clinton

“Even if Congress were to enact this budget we would still be left with—in the outer decades as millions of Americans retire—what are still unsustainable commitments in Medicare and Medicaid…With the president’s plan, even if Congress were to enact it, and even if Congress were to hold to it, we would still be left with a very large interest burden and unsustainable obligations over time.” — Timothy Geithner

“I have a lifetime of experience that I will bring to the White House. I know Senator McCain has a lifetime of experience that he will bring to the White House. And Senator Obama has a speech he gave in 2002.” — Hillary Clinton

Peter Barnes “Is there a risk that the United States could lose its AAA credit rating? Yes or no?”

Tim Geithner’s response: “No risk of that.” — Tim Geithner’s response

“One way to carry out this disapproval might be to insist that all illegitimate babies be put up for adoption–especially those born to minors, who generally are not capable of caring properly for a child alone. If a single mother really wished to keep her baby, she might be obliged to go through adoption proceedings and demonstrate her ability to support and care for it. Adoption proceedings probably should remain more difficult for single people than for married couples, in recognition of the relative difficulty of raising children alone. It would even be possible to require pregnant single women to marry or have abortions, perhaps as an alternative to placement for adoption, depending on the society.” — John Holdren, Assistant to the President for Science and Technology

“Somehow we have to figure out how to boost the price of gasoline to the levels in Europe.” — Steven Chu

“For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. And I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction.” — Michelle Obama

“What I notice about men, all men, is that their order is me, my family, God is in there somewhere, but me is first.” — Michelle Obama

“It’s easier to hold onto your own stereotypes and misconceptions, it makes you feel justified in your own ignorance. That’s America. So the challenge for us is, are we ready for change?” — Michelle Obama

“…(T)he realities are that, you know, as a black man, you know, Barack can get shot going to the gas station, you know.” — Michelle Obama

“I wake up every morning wondering how on earth I am going to pull off that next minor miracle to get through the day. I know that everybody in this room is going through this. That is the dilemma women face today. Every woman that I know, regardless of race, education, income, background, political affiliation, is struggling to keep her head above water.” — Michelle Obama

“Asked how she feels about Bill Clinton’s use of the phrase ‘fairytale’ to describe her husband’s characterization of his position on the Iraq war, (Michelle Obama) first responded: ‘No.’

But, after a few seconds of contemplation, and gesturing with her fingernails, she told the reporter: ‘I want to rip his eyes out!’

Noticing an aide giving her a nervous look, she added: ‘Kidding! See, this is what gets me into trouble.'” — WorldNetDaily

“Who’s got time to go to the fruit stand? Who can afford it, first of all?” — Michelle Obama

“The truth is, in order to get things like universal health care and a revamped education system, then someone is going to have to give up a piece of their pie so that someone else can have more.” — Michelle Obama

“Barack Obama will require you to work. He is going to demand that you shed your cynicism. That you put down your divisions. That you come out of your isolation, that you move out of your comfort zones. That you push yourselves to be better. And that you engage. Barack will never allow you to go back to your lives as usual, uninvolved, uninformed.” — Michelle Obama

Barack’s Former Spiritual Mentor & Confidant

“What I value most about Pastor Wright is not his day-to-day political advice. He’s much more of a sounding board for me to make sure that I am speaking as truthfully about what I believe as possible and that I’m not losing myself in some of the hype and hoopla and stress that’s involved in national politics.” — Barack Obama

“We started the AIDS virus. …We are only able to maintain our level of living by making sure that Third World people live in grinding poverty.” — Jeremiah Wright

“The government lied about inventing the HIV virus as a means of genocide against people of color. The government lied.” — Jeremiah Wright

“Them Jews aren’t going to let (Obama) talk to me. I told my baby daughter, that he’ll talk to me in five years when he’s a lame duck, or in eight years when he’s out of office. …They will not let him to talk to somebody who calls a spade what it is.” — Jeremiah Wright

“Just before Obama’s nationally televised campaign kickoff rally last Feb. 10, the candidate disinvited Wright from giving the public invocation. Wright explained: ‘When [Obama’s] enemies find out that in 1984 I went to Tripoli’ to visit Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi with Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, ‘a lot of his Jewish support will dry up quicker than a snowball in hell.’

According to Wright, Obama then told him, ‘You can get kind of rough in the sermons, so what we’ve decided is that it’s best for you not to be out there in public.’ But privately, Obama and his family prayed with Wright just before the presidential announcement.” — Ronald Kessler, Newsmax

“Racism is how this country was founded and how this country is still run. No black man will ever be considered for president, no matter how hard you run Jesse [Jackson] and no black woman can ever be considered for anything outside what she can give with her body.” — Jeremiah Wright

“We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost.” — Jeremiah Wright

“In the 21st century, white America got a wake-up call after 9/11/01. White America and the western world came to realize that people of color had not gone away, faded into the woodwork or just ‘disappeared’ as the Great White West kept on its merry way of ignoring black concerns.” — Jeremiah Wright

“White folk done took this country. You’re in their home, and they’re gonna let you know it….You are not now, nor have you ever been, nor will you ever be a brother to white folk and if you do not realize that, you are in serious trouble.” —
Jeremiah Wright

“(The United States) is the same as al-Qaeda, under a different color flag, calling on the name a different God to sanction and approve our murder and our mayhem!” — Jeremiah Wright

“The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America.’ No, no, no, God d*mn America, that’s in the Bible for killing innocent people. God d*mn America for treating our citizens as less than human. God d*mn America for as long as she acts like she is God and she is supreme.” — Jeremiah Wright

This is updated from Barack Obama In Quotes Version 3.0, which was originally done in October of 2008.


Chad Johnson's Rule No. 1059: It is against NFL policy to cover Chad Ochocinco man to man. It has always been a rule but with the events of last year we must have forgotten who he was. Please note that he is still the most uncoverable receiver in the league. This rule is for the safety of embarrassment to all defensive backs.

An elegant letter demanding that double coverage or zone is necessary when covering Ochocinco. Another brilliant stunt by the diva that is Chad Ocho-Johnson-whatever, en route to his 1,047 yards receiving in 2009.


Trump Gets Personal in Epic Response to Fauci's Trash Talk

Former President Donald Trump responded to both Dr. Anthony Fauci’s and Dr. Deborah Birx’s recent critiques of his handling of the COVID-19 pandemic, saying if he’d followed their “bad instincts” the country would be in an economic depression with no approved vaccine.

Trump also took the opportunity to poke fun at Fauci’s lack of athletic prowess as evidenced by the infectious disease expert’s first pitch at a Washington Nationals game last summer.

“Based on their interviews, I felt it was time to speak up about Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx, two self-promoters trying to reinvent history to cover for their bad instincts and faulty recommendations, which I fortunately almost always overturned,” the former president said in a Monday statement.

Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, and Birx, the White House’s COVID-19 response coordinator, served on Trump’s Coronavirus Task Force.

“They had bad policy decisions that would have left our country open to China and others, closed to reopening our economy, and years away from an approved vaccine — putting millions of lives at risk,” Trump continued.

Former President Trump issues statement regarding Dr. Birx and Dr. Fauci: pic.twitter.com/jsm4nPyRLO

— Byron York (@ByronYork) March 29, 2021

In a CNN documentary that aired Sunday, Birx suggested hundreds of thousands of deaths due to the coronavirus outbreak could have been prevented.

As of Sunday, approximately 550,000 Americans were reported by the states to have died from COVID-19.

“I look at it this way,” Birx told CNN. “The first time, we have an excuse. There were about 100,000 deaths that came from that original surge” in the spring.

“All of the rest of them,” she argued, referring to about 450,000 deaths, “in my mind, could have been mitigated or decreased substantially.”

Birx told NBC News at the end of March 2020 that “if we do things almost perfectly” the U.S. could expect up to 200,000 deaths.

She also said the projections by Fauci that U.S. deaths “could range from 1.6 million to 2.2 million is a worst-case scenario if the country did ‘nothing’ to contain the outbreak,” according to the news outlet.

Birx further claimed in the CNN documentary that she received a “very uncomfortable” and “very difficult” phone call from Donald Trump after appearing on CNN to talk about the spread of the virus.

“It was a CNN report in August that got horrible pushback. That was a very difficult time, because everybody in the White House was upset with that interview and the clarity that I brought about the epidemic,” Birx told CNN.

“I got called by the president,” she said. “It was very uncomfortable, very direct and very difficult to hear.”

In response to Birx’s remarks, Trump chief of staff Mark Meadows said, “I can tell you about the ‘uncomfortable’ phone call,” according to the New York Post.

“It had to do with the fact that Deborah Birx started talking about keeping schools closed and remote learning. And that was what it was all about because that was not based on science,” he said.

The Post reported that Fauci criticized Trump in the CNN documentary for tweeting in April 2020 that states should be liberated from the COVID-19 lockdowns.

“That hit me like a punch to the chest,” Fauci said.

In his Monday statement, Trump hit Fauci for taking credit for the vaccine and poked fun at his opening pitch in July at the Nationals season opener against the New York Yankees.

Dr. Anthony Fauci threw out the first pitch before the Nationals-Yankees game. pic.twitter.com/04Tbkh7Voa

— ESPN (@espn) July 23, 2020

“In a fake interview last night on CNN, Dr. Fauci, who said he was an athlete in college but couldn’t throw a baseball even close to home plate, it was a ‘roller,’ tried to take credit for the vaccine, when in fact he said it would take three to five years, and probably longer, to have it approved,” Trump said.

“Dr. Fauci was incapable of pressing the FDA to move it through faster. I was the one to get it done, and even the fake news media knows and reports this.”

Trump also pointed out that in the spring of 2020 Fauci said Americans did not have to wear masks and opposed the president shutting down travel from China and other overseas locations experiencing severe COVID-19 outbreaks.

Regarding Birx, Trump contended, “The States who followed her lead, like California, had worse outcomes on Covid, and ruined the lives of countless children because they couldn’t go to school, ruined many businesses, and an untold number of Americans who were killed by the lockdowns themselves.”

The former president also said, “There was no ‘very difficult’ phone call, other than Dr. Birx’s policies that would have led us directly into a COVID caused depression.

“She was a very negative voice who didn’t have the right answers. Time has proven me correct.”

Meadows described the CNN documentary as “revisionist” history.

Looking back, Trump’s instincts to keep the country more or less open with mitigation strategies in place (social distancing, masks, etc.), on balance, were proven correct.

GOP Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida followed this path while protecting the most vulnerable and experienced essentially the same death rate per 100,000 residents as California, which implemented severe lockdowns.

Both ranked better than over half of the states overall, but California’s unemployment rate remains among the highest in the country at 8.5 percent, while Florida’s 4.7 percent beats the national average of 6.2 percent.

Truth and Accuracy

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RELATED ARTICLES

'I am the greatest, I'm the greatest that ever lived. I don't have a mark on my face.' - Ali said this after he beat competitor Sonny Liston in 1964.

'Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.'

'Don't count the days make the days count.'

'It's not bragging if you can back it up.'

Muhammad Ali raises his arms in celebrations after putting down Sonny Liston in 1965. He once said: 'If you even dream of beating me, you better wake up and apologize'

'Champions aren't made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.' - Ali said this prior to a fight against George Foreman in 1974.

'At home I am a nice guy: but I don't want the world to know. Humble people, I've found, don't get very far.'

'If you even dream of beating me, you better wake up and apologize.'

'My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.'

'I am America. I am the part you won't recognize. But get used to me. Black, confident, cocky, my name not yours. My religion, not yours my goals, my own get used to me.' - Ali said this in 1970 when he was convicted of draft evasion.

'The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses—behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.'

'He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.'

'It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.'

Above the legend is pictured attending the 4th Annual Life Changing Lives Gala honoring Muhammad Ali at City National Grove of Anaheim on September 11, 2011


67 Best Comebacks For Your Brother

If you have an annoying brother, this list is for you.

  1. Oh dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
  2. Don’t piss me off today, I’m running out of places to hide bodies.
  3. What’s that ugly thing growing out of your neck… Oh… It’s your head…
  4. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?
  5. The clothes you wear are so ugly even a scarecrow wouldn’t wear them.
  6. Hey- I am away from my computer but in the meantime, why don’t you go play in traffic?!
  7. You didn’t fall out of the stupid tree. You were dragged through dumb-ass forest.
  8. You’re so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ”taxi”.
  9. You must be the arithmetic man you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
  10. It’s kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.
  11. If you ran 1,000,000 miles to see the boy/girl of your dreams, what would you say when you got there?
  12. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
  13. At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn’t hit me in the face.
  14. If you didn’t have feet you wouldn’t wear shoes…..then why do you wear a bra.
  15. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
  16. I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.
  17. Let’s see, I’ve walked the dog, cleaned my room, gone shopping and gossiped with my friends…Nope, this list doesn’t say that I’m required to talk to you.
  18. FOR THE LAST TIME! Your mother left here at 9 this morning… Leave me alone!
  19. If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
  20. The Village just called. They said they were missing their town idiot, I couldn’t really understand them, but I think they were saying the name was yours…
  21. If I had a dollar for every brain you didn’t have, I’d have one dollar.
  22. I wish you no harm, but it would have been much better if you had never lived.
  23. You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back!
  24. I have always wondered why people bang their heads against brick walls….. then I met you. Don’t bother leaving a message.
  25. If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn’t be you.
  26. Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?
  27. I really don’t like you but if you really must leave a message, I’ll be nice and at least pretend to care.
  28. Hey, here’s a hint. If i don’t answer you the first 25 times, what makes you think the next 25 will work?
  29. You must have a very low opinion of people if you think they are your equals.
  30. God made mountains, god made trees, god made you but we all make mistakes.
  31. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
  32. You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
  33. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.
  34. You’re not exactly bad looking. There’s just one little problem between your ears – your face!
  35. How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I’ll get back to you…
  36. Don’t let your mind wander. It’s way to small to be outside by itself!
  37. Until you called me I couldn’t remember the last time I wanted somebody’s fingers to break so badly.
  38. It’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the ‘impression’ that you’re stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
  39. Looks like you fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
  40. Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
  41. Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don’t wanna be mean, but you need Listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole frigging bottle.
  42. My Mom said never talk to strangers and well, since you’re really strange…. I guess that means I can’t talk to you!
  43. Hmm…I don’t know what your problem is…but I’m going to bet it’s really hard to pronounce…
  44. If my dog had your face, I would shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
  45. If brains were dynamite you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
  46. I’ve come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.
  47. You’re so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you!
  48. Your ears are so big when you stand on a mountain they look like trophy handles.
  49. There are more calories in your stomach than in the local supermarket!
  50. Just wait till you can’t fit your hand in the Pringles tubes, then where will you get your daily nutrition from?
  51. There are some stupid people in this world. You just helped me realize it.
  52. You have your whole life to be a jerk….so why don’t you take a day off so.. leave me a message for when I get back.
  53. What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back?
  54. Your room is so dirty even bums refuse to live there. That’s the comeback for your brother from Humoropedia’s editor. He came up with it and he thinks it’s the most insulting one.
  55. Why are you bothering me? I have my away message on cause I don’t want to listen to you and your stupid nonsense.
  56. You’re so ugly, they call you the exterminator, because you kill bugs on sight.
  57. I’m not here right now so cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT.
  58. I’m sorry, Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.
  59. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I’ve wanted to cut it down.
  60. Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.
  61. You’re so dumb no one believes you’re my brother. The website’s editor came up with this one.
  62. How about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up? I’m away live with it.
  63. You’re so ugly, when you got robbed, the robbers made you wear their masks.
  64. A pretty girl can kiss a guy* a bird can kiss a butterfly* the rising sun can kiss the grass* but you my friend!! yes you!! YOU CAN KISS MY ASS*
  65. Right now I’m sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.
  66. You occasionally stumble over the truth, but you quickly pick yourself up and carry on as if nothing happened.
  67. Oh, I’m sorry, how many times did your parents drop you when you were a baby?

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12 Medieval Insults For The Cox-Comb In Your Life

Humans have a lot of talents — war, cooking, bizarre sexual positions — but one that's stuck around through all human societies is the art of the insult. They've been present in every human civilization that's left records, including some hilarious Roman graffiti. The cutting wit of some of history's greatest intellectuals has lasted in their famous insults — Groucho Marx, Oscar Wilde and Winston Churchill come to mind. But medieval insults are a particular brand of the florid, furious, and crazy, and they're frankly so offensive they should probably stay out of fashion, where they belong.

You can tell a lot about a society and its values by its insults. It's pretty clear-cut: if you're told your ancestors were pigs, family lineage is very important (as in modern China), and if somebody calls you a cabbage-eater, clearly there's something very morally wrong with cabbage as a foodstuff. Medieval Europe's insults lay out views along those lines: Reputation was everything, and insults were a serious concern — you could take somebody to court for slander — but they differed radically for men and women. Men were valued by their social status, women by their chastity and behavior. If you wanted to insult them, that's what you targeted.

The insults we use these days are pretty limited: they're crude, often sexual, and don't have the same poetic ring as they did in the good old days. But these medieval ones, as charming as they may seem, probably wouldn't work so well in the modern era.

1. "Base Football-Player"

Sample Sentence: "I can't believe you'd go out with such a base football-player his parents don't even own a yacht."

Meaning: Low-born. Football, back when this insult was spouted in Shakespeare's King Lear, was a game for the lower classes, and was renowned for being lawless and violent. (Yes, more than nowadays games regularly rampaged through town centers, involved hundreds of people, and caused several deaths.)

"2. Crooked-Nosed Knave"

Sample sentence: "You pretend you went to private school, but you're just a crooked-nosed knave."

Meaning: Classless and ridiculous. This actually comes from a defamation suit in England in 1555, where a man named John Bridges claimed that a dude called Warneford had called him this in public. It was clearly a serious insult.

3. "Churl"

Sample Sentence: "Fetch my slippers if you're going to act like a churl."

Meaning: Peasant-like, coarse. This comes from the Old English word ceorl, which literally meant a man one level above a slave. (It also, weirdly, evolved into the Russian word for king, korol.)

4. "Cox-Comb"

Sample Sentence: "Five selfies in thirty seconds? You're such a cox-comb, Kanye West would be jealous."

Meaning: A vain, foppish person. The cockscomb on the top of a cock's head is used for mating displays and generally strutting around looking self-important. Not a huge stretch.

5. "Doxy"

Sample Sentence: "I ain't saying she a doxy, but she seems to spend an awful lot of time with that dude with the prison tatts."

Meaning: A promiscuous woman. This was actually less an insult than a technical term in the medieval period a doxy was the wife or sexual partner of a brigand or outlaw who robbed people on the roads.

6. "Glos Pautonnier"

Sample Sentence: "You stole my chips? All of them? You glos pautonnier!"

Meaning: Gluttonous scoundrel. The words are Old French, and were thrown about with great abandon in epic stories from the medieval period. It's a smoother way of calling somebody a pizza-stealer.

7. "Puterelle"

Sample Sentence: "If you keep posting topless shots to Instagram people are going to start calling you a puterelle."

Meaning: A woman of ill repute. This comes from Old French too ("putain" remains a modern French swearword today). You'll notice that the most elaborate thing you can do to insult a woman in the medieval period is condemn her virtue it was her most important attribute.

8. "Skamelar"

Sample Sentence: "No, you skamelar, you cannot borrow $500, now get out of my house."

Meaning: Scrounger, parasite. If you ever want to spend your afternoon with some delightful archaic insults, pick up the poem this comes from, "The Flyting Of Dunbar And Kennedy," which is in Old Scots. Not only is it in rhyme, most of the insults are alliterative!

9. "Mandrake Mymmerkin"

Sample Sentence: "Nine inches? Please, I heard from Angela you were a mandrake mymmerkin."

Meaning: Little man, puppet, childlike. A mandrake, as you'll remember if you've read your Harry Potter, is a plant meant to resemble a tiny person, while a mannikin (from which we get our word "mannequin") was also a small man or child. This comes from Dunbar & Kennedy's shout-off, too.

10. "Hedge-born"

Sample Sentence: "Stop honking at women dude, what are you, hedge-born?"

Meaning: Low-born, illegitimate. It's not too difficult to parse this — if you were born in a hedge, there's a high chance your mother didn't have a nice rich marital bed to give birth in. Hey, at least it's better than a ditch, right?

11. "Levereter"

Sample Sentence: "That politician is such a levereter he'd skin his own kids for some dough."

Meaning: Literally "liver-eater," corrupt, or depriving the world of necessary nourishment. This fabulous insult dates from 1400s Ghent, and is a splendid depiction of corrupt businesspeople lining their pockets at the expense of everybody else.

12. "Ronyon"

Sample Sentence: "My ex is such a ronyon she scares babies and small dogs."

Meaning: A mangy woman, old and scabby. French in origin again, this one comes from rogneux, to be covered in scabs. Shakespeare was very fond of this one in the Elizabethan period, and it pops up in Lady Macbeth and the Merry Wives Of Windsor.